Reasons Why I am not Chinese:

Here’s a collection of mostly random observations I’ve made about China, which amount to reasons why I am not Chinese.

1. I am white and blonde. Duh. People are obsessed with blondes here. Blonde hair in Chinese is “Golden Hair”, ya, actually. White people are pretty exciting too apparently. Most Chinese skin products have bleach in them to make you more white and people cover themselves obsessively to avoid any suntan. My guess is this stems from the ancient idea that if you didn’t work in the fields, you had servants to do it so you’d be rich and your skin would be more white because of less sun exposure. It just so happens that there is a whole race of people with naturally more white skin, woah. Who knew?

2. It’s really rude to put your fingers in your mouth because they’re unclean. Good point China. But how else are you going to get the shrimp peels out of your mouth? Magnolia’s host brother just spits them on the table.

3.  It is not rude to stare unabashedly and continuously at someone even if they notice you staring. I am continually stared at- See #1

4. I can’t do the asian squat. If you’ve never been to Asia, you probably have no idea what I’m talking about. But seriously, it’s a talent that only Asians have. The Asian  squat is when you squat down fully so that your knees are fully bent and the backs of your legs are/almost are touching each other (like a squat you do when you’re peeing in the woods, or in a bathroom in china), BUT your heels are flat and you have perfect balance and can sit like that for hours. It’s an amazing talent, really. Even Asians who are Asian-American and don’t practice it can do it. So I don’t understand the biology of it but it’s true. Serisouly.

5. I don’t fold my shirt up when I’m hot and sweaty to reveal my old, nasty beer belly. But this is common for Chinese men to do. They just chill out with their shirts up, bellies out, and sweat dripping. Yuck.

6. I can’t balance on/ride with someone balanced on the back of my bike. Trust me, Magnolia and I tried for a good half hour to no avail. Much terror on my part. Then we broke the handle bars.

There will be more, I’m sure. Tata for now!